week 10- post 3

In chapter 10, the author states “relational transgression are extremely problematic situations in which core rules of a relationship are violated, leaving high emotion residues. One of these situations is deception. Deception is defined as “deliberately altering information to change a person’s perception about an issue”. In other words, deception means that you are lying to someone. For example, one of my friends lied to me when we were supposed to hang out. She told me that she was sick and wasn’t able to hang out, but in reality she was with her boyfriend. I feel that she lied to me to get out of a sticky situation, and to maintain our healthy relationship. Because she lied to me, this made me upset and disappointed. I felt this way because she is one of my friends and I thought that she wouldn’t lie to me. Therefore, this led to a problematic situation in our relationship. 

Week 10- Post 2

According to Abigail, “forgiveness is a cognitive process that consists of letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate”. Looking at this definition, there had been a couple of events where I had a hard time forgiving. One event that stands out the most was when my high school best friend flaked on me after I went to a funeral. This was the first funeral that I went to and I was extremely upset and emotional. So, my best friend told me that we would hang out after the funeral. However, this never happened. I tried contacting her and was unable to get a hold of her. I finally gave up and just sat in my room hurt, and disappointed. At the time, I couldn’t understand why she would have flaked on me when she knew that I was upset and needed her to be there. For this reason, I had a really hard time forgiving her.  I felt that she was a bad friend and that I shouldn’t do anything nice for her because she wasn’t there for me. Time went by, and I still held on to my anger towards her. I would pretend everything was fine, even though it wasn’t.

Week 10- Post 1

Face management is when “people generally work to support one another’s face when socializing and communicating”. I feel that I use face management when I use social networking websites, such as Facebook. The impression that I want to receive from others when people look in my Facebook is that I am a hardworking person who has a positive outlook on life. For example, when I graduated community college, I received my Associates degree in speech communication. I posted a picture of my diploma, with the notion that people will view my hardworking attitude as a success. Therefore, I am able to control what I post on Facebook and chose what I let my friends see. However, there have also been times were there were posts on my Facebook that I did not want. For example, there was a picture that my friend posted of me when I had too much to drink. I did not want certain people that I am friends with on Facebook, such as my family to think that I am a party animal. However, it is good that I can easily delete the picture and hope that not very many saw it. 

Week 9- Post 3

In chapter 8, I feel the most important factor that can help control your anger is taking a time out. Being able to remove yourself from the situation allows you to think before you react. Once removed, relaxation exercises can take place. The ability to relax helps you calm down from the emotions that you are feeling. For example, I concentrate on listening to my breathing to calm down. Another coping mechanism I use is focusing on any positives that I have in my life. This can include the love I have for my kittens, the weather, having a job, etc.  Next, it is good to think things through. Allowing yourself to assess the situation and try to distinguish the root of you anger gives you an understanding to why you feel the way you do. Furthermore, it is also important to release your anger and frustration in a positive way. My release is exercise, but more specifically running. Running helps me release my energy, and helps clear my mind.

Week 9- Post 2

In chapter 8, anger is defined as “a strong feeling of displeasure, a synonym for antagonism and rage”. Reflecting on my behavior I tend to blow up, or express my anger calmly. They way I respond depends on the intensity of my anger and who it is with. When it comes to professional settings, such as work, I am able to express myself calmly. I know that it is important for me to maintain my positive reputation, and I must react accordingly. The outcomes are usually resolved because I am able to let the other person know how I feel, and be able to fix the problem. However, if I become angry with people who are close to me, or am extremely upset, I am more likely to blow up. Abigail would define my behavior as anger-outs because I am quickly to express my reactions without giving much thought. Because of my quick reaction, the problem usually escalates due to my lack of rational thinking. After I lash out, I find myself walking away and trying to relax, because I know that this action did not make anything better. Once I am calm, I will confront the person again and express myself respectfully, and usually apologize for my irrational behavior.