A couple months ago, I had
plans to go out with my friend. She told me that she couldn’t go, so I decided
to stay home. Then, an hour before we intended to go out, she send me a text
saying that she is going. This had made me upset, because I made the
assumption that she was going with someone else, and didn’t want to go with me.
Because of this belief, I told her that I was upset, and disappointed because I
wouldn’t have enough time to get ready. This escalated the situation because
she was trying to tell me that she decided to go with me, even though she had
work in the morning.
On the other hand, I have
made accurate attributions about others that helped me understand their
intentions. I had a friend of a friend tell me that her father had passed away.
At first, I thought to myself why my friend didn’t tell me directly. I made the attribution that she was probably really upset and
didn’t really know how to bring it up. It turns out that I was right, and I had
to confront her about it, for her to open up.
Miss Leenie,
ReplyDeleteI have been there. I completely understand how you felt. When people cancel on me and then later, they tell me that they are going out anyways, it makes me angry. It typically feels like they didn’t really want to go out with me and instead, wanted to go out with someone else. Since I was all that they had, they cancelled but then once they found someone more fun, they decide to go again. At that point, even if I have not turned in for the night, I don’t want to go out because I feel betrayed. Plus, like you said that you would not have had enough time to get ready, she clearly continued to prepare to go out if she was still going to be ready to go that quickly.
This second example I can also relate to. When my dad had a stroke, I really didn’t want to talk about it or tell anyone about it and it is not really something that you want to make a facebook post about, so very few people knew. It was definitely the right thing for you to assume that she just did not want to talk about it because she would be upset!
Miss Leenie,
ReplyDeleteA lot of people have been in your situation before, myself being one of them. It really sucks when someone does that to you because you do feel very unwanted and it feels like the person doesn’t want to hang out with you. Like you said, there are accurate attributions about others that we make that are usually true, such as the example you gave about your friend’s father passing away. There are a few other situations like that where it is easy to make accurate assumptions about people.
Hey Miss Leenie! I can totally relate to you with the examples you provided for both. There were many times when I felt “ditched” because my friends cancel on me and then go hang gout with someone else. I mean there are times when I am the “ditcher” but I do it for good reasons, like maybe I won’t be able to see this person for a while or I haven’t seen this person in a while. In that case my friends might make the wrong attributions about me. It is also a good feeling to make the right attributions about someone because it is like unspoken information. Normally I feel we only get it right once we are super tight knit with that person and understand how they think and act. Anyways good job this week on this post!
ReplyDeleteMiss Leenie,
ReplyDeleteGreat post. The situation that you described is definitely a difficult one to deal with. It is very frustrating when a friend flakes and I can only imagine what the frustration felt like after she said she was going again. It sounds as if you handled the situation and hopefully your friend doesn’t do that regularly. It makes a person feel unwanted and people shouldn’t have to go through that. The attribution that you made about your friend’s relative passing away seemed to help you out. You could’ve taken it negatively, but you dug deeper into the situation and understood where she was coming from. It probably cheered her up to talk to a good friend about it.
I hate it when people cancel plans, and I can understand your annoyance when they decide to go ahead with the plans anyways after canceling. I can easily see myself making false attributions and exacerbating the situation there. I would probably be angry too if I didn’t have enough time to get ready, so I think its good you told your friend how you felt. It must’ve sucked though to get your hopes up and then have them shot down.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry to hear your friend’s father passed away. I can understand it must’ve been a shock to wonder why your friend didn’t tell you. Does that mean you guys weren’t as close as you thought you were? It’s a good thing you made an accurate attribution there by assuming she was too upset to tell you. It shows that you know how your friend’s mind works which is a good thing. Good job.
Hello, Miss Leenie!
ReplyDeleteI like your examples of positive and negative attributions. I have definitely experienced the same situation with a friend canceling, and then changing her mind. I, too, made negative attributions and thought that she was lying or making excuses to do something else or to make other plans. I found out later that she wasn't feeling well and didn't end up doing anything that night. I felt guilty for thinking the worst of her when she was true to her word. I appreciate your example of your friend's father passing away because it is a good example of trying to find understanding before making assumptions. Well done.